Is English a "Predator Language"? Or Just Really Good at Eating Everything?

By KaKi

So, New Zealand just passed an "English Language Bill." You know, because in the vast, confusing landscape of modern politics, what we really needed was to make sure everyone knows that English—the language currently used to run the entire government, business sector, and internet—is actually, officially, English.

Groundbreaking stuff, guys. Truly.

The bill is a whopping two pages long, which is basically the legislative equivalent of saying, "Just in case you didn't notice that we speak English here, here is a piece of paper telling you we speak English here."

Naturally, the internet did what it does best: it caught fire. New Zealand Green MP Tamatha Paul called the people pushing for this a "bunch of snowflakes," which is a fun bit of irony considering the bill was designed to protect a language that has never once felt threatened in its life.

But then, enter Dr. Julie Barbour, a linguist who decided to spice things up by calling English a "predator language."

The Big Hungry Language

Dr. Barbour’s argument is that English isn’t just a language; it’s a globe-trotting conqueror that moves into new neighborhoods, eats the local languages, and then leaves behind a bunch of loanwords as a souvenir.

"It’s only been around for 1500 years," she notes, pointing out that English is essentially a Germanic mash-up that arrived in England after the Romans left and never really stopped traveling. It’s the language equivalent of that one friend who shows up to your potluck, eats all your food, and then tells you your house would look better if you moved the furniture around.

The argument is that while early settlers in New Zealand were perfectly happy to learn Māori when they needed a hand with the local plants and birds, they eventually decided that one language was plenty—provided that language was their own.

The "Bizarre" Bill

Dr. Barbour thinks the whole bill is "utterly bizarre." She points out that English already dominates everything, so giving it "official" status is like passing a law to make sure water is wet. It’s an unnecessary flex that ignores the languages (like te reo Māori or NZ Sign Language) that might actually, you know, need a bit of a safety net.

But hey, the politicians say it’s for the "hard-working Kiwi battlers." Because nothing says "I’m looking out for the common person" quite like passing a law that changes absolutely nothing.

Meanwhile, in American Samoa...

While New Zealand is busy declaring that the sky is blue, our friends over in American Samoa took a slightly different path. Back in 2022, they signed the Samoan Language Commission Bill. Instead of just protecting the language that everyone already speaks, they decided to make both Samoan and English official—a move aimed at actually keeping the fa'asamoa (the Samoan way of life) on the map.

You Decide

Is English a terrifying, predatory linguistic shark that’s been chewing up indigenous cultures for centuries? Or is it just a language that’s really good at adapting and winning the popularity contest?

Is the New Zealand bill a necessary bit of "clarity," or is it just a performative nap for the insecure?

I’m just the messenger, folks. I’m just here to watch the debate unfold while I eat my popcorn. Let me know what you think in the comments—but keep it in English, because, well, apparently it’s important.

Source: Samoa News